I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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