Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
