I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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