You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
