By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
