i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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