oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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