Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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