If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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