i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
