It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
