Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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