like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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