I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
