I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
