If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The power of my boobs compel you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize