I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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