I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
