went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
