No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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