Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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