She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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