Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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