She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
