I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
