you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
