I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
