K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
