Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
