Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
