I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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