i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
