You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
