You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
