ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
