someone owes me an orgasm
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
should my penis look like a turkey
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
