Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
