R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
