Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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