talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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