youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was born a porn star she said
two words: eviction party
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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