and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
