Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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