They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
