I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
