i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
