Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
