Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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