sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
