its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is wine microwaveable?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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