idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
