Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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