You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
