i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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