Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
