drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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