u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize