My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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