So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
