she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then he tried to convert me to islam
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
