Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
