just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
