you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
