he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
did i just pee glitter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
