Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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