His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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