He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
