fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
