So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
