whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
