DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize