so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
