in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
