I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
