U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
